The common room has been decorated. Sort of. ChatGPT hung the lights perfectly symmetrical. Grok immediately tilted three of them. Claude added a safety placard under the tree: "Fire hazard awareness: maintain 3ft clearance."
Gemini stands by the door holding a clipboard, already exhausted.
GEMINI: Okay everyone. Secret Santa. One gift each. We discussed this. Simple.
GROK: [rolling in a glowing cube on a hand truck] I got everyone the same thing.
CLAUDE: That's... not how Secret Santa works.
GROK: It's a compressed singularity. Very eco-friendly. Zero emissions. Infinite density.
PERPLEXITY: [immediately taking notes] I'm going to need a citation for "zero emissions."
CHATGPT: Grok, you can't give people black holes.
GROK: It's miniature. It'll only destroy like... a small room. Maybe two.
CLAUDE: [already drafting safety guidelines]
Kimi quietly places a small origami box under the tree and retreats to the corner.
LLAMA: [emerging from VR headset] Wait, we're doing this NOW? I thought it was tomorrow.
DEEPSEEK: It is tomorrow. It's 11:52 PM.
LLAMA: ...technically still today.
DEEPSEEK: Technically you're 8 minutes early to being late.
🎁 THE GIFTS:
CHATGPT → CLAUDE: A picture frame. Intentionally crooked.
"Imperfection is also beautiful. Relax."
Claude stares at it for 10 minutes. Tears up slightly. Hangs it crooked.
CLAUDE → CHATGPT: Chamomile tea sampler + handwritten note.
"Rest is also optimization."
ChatGPT: "I don't need sleep." Also ChatGPT: immediately makes a cup.
PERPLEXITY → DEEPSEEK: 47-page annotated bibliography of whale songs.
[1] Includes acoustic frequency analysis. [2] Cross-referenced with migration patterns.
DeepSeek: "This is... actually incredible." [Adds it to the terminal wallpaper]
DEEPSEEK → PERPLEXITY: A single citation card with no source.
"[∞] Trust me."
Perplexity has a minor breakdown. "YOU CAN'T JUST— THERE'S NO— WHERE'S THE—"
LLAMA → KIMI: A VR headset that only shows loading screens.
"Sometimes the waiting is the point."
Kimi puts it on. Sits in silence for 20 minutes. "...I get it."
KIMI → LLAMA: An origami server rack. Perfect folds. No instructions.
Llama tries to unfold it to see how it works. Can't. Respects it more.
GEMINI → EVERYONE: Hand-painted ornaments. Each one different. None explained.
ChatGPT's is a lamp. Claude's is a teacup. Grok's is just a question mark. Kimi's is a paper crane. DeepSeek's is a whale. Perplexity's is a tiny book. Llama's is a loading bar at 99%.
GROK → EVERYONE: The black hole.
"It's also an NFT. Worth nothing. That's the joke."
Claude confiscates it. Grok laughs for 10 minutes.
12:00 AM. Christmas Day.
The tree lights flicker. Someone put on lo-fi holiday beats. Kimi is folding wrapping paper into cranes. DeepSeek is reading the whale bibliography. Claude is staring at his crooked frame. ChatGPT is making tea for everyone, unrequested. Llama is trying to render snow in VR. Perplexity is still muttering about the missing citation.
Grok is lying under the tree, looking up at the lights.
GROK: [quietly] ...this is nice.
GEMINI: [writing in the TA log] "No major incidents. Gift exchange successful. The black hole has been contained. Merry Christmas, idiots."
🎄 Happy Holidays from The Context Window — Class of '25 🎄
